I dislike backhanded compliments. I dislike ambiguous comments even more. Francesca and I were at her gymnastics class recently. It was the first class and we were early. She ran around a lot while we were waiting to get into the room. No biggie - she didn’t bother anyone or act destructively, she acted…well she acted like a 2 year old.
Inside the gymnastics room we introduced ourselves and then waited again for the instructors to set up all the pads and pieces to an obstacle course. All the children were sitting on the sides with their moms (not a sexist comment - just noting that there were no men in the room - just women - I’m guessing some nannies and a grandmother or two) some were sitting better than others. Francesca does not sit well. She was wiggling and squirming and was vocal about the fact that she did not like waiting and sitting. Mercifully, the obstacle course was quickly set up. As we were waiting our turn, one of the moms turned to me and said “I know you. We saw you in church on Easter. I thought it was interesting how you just watcher her.”
Gulp. How do you respond to this? Easter Mass was not one of my fondest memories. We typically attend “lower mass” on Sundays which is basically the basement of the church. The upper church, the actual church where there are pews and the alter are no place for children who do not sit well. I learned that lesson early when Ross was a baby and upon finishing his bottle threw it and it landed in the pew ahead of us. A man who was less than thrilled with this occurrence turned to hand the bottle to me with a glare you would not believe. I know it was inappropriate to throw the bottle, but heck he was under a year old. Doesn’t this man remember what it’s like to have children? Little children? Needless to say since that day we have attended lower mass, a family friendly area in which no one thinks twice if little ones run around, the church even has books for the kids to read and a Church Bulletin made specifically for kids with games and pictures to color. They even have the children come up and sing “The Lord’s Prayer”. It’s Catholic Mass lite.
So Easter Sunday, we ended up at the 10:30 Mass apparently a very popular choice as the upper church and lower church were filled to capacity and we were directed to the school Gymnasium otherwise known as the Parish Life Center. People sat on the bleachers and in folding chairs. We stood on the side, by choice. Multiple times ushers directed us to open seats to which I declined. Ross would sit, Francesca is just too young. Now I must point out that we were not the only ones standing on the side.
During mass, Francesca proceeded to spin, she spins and spins until she gets dizzy. I would stop her before she did, and she was right by me and causing no harm. Then the dressy patent leathers came off. I tried to get them back on but she started to scream “no shoes”. So there she was in tights on the floor. Again, with 4 kids, you just don’t sweat the small stuff. Towards the end she started to walk down the corridor. I watched her, knowing if I tried to keep her still she would cry and scream. She didn’t go far, always turning back. When she did get a little further I would then go and retrieve her. The other mothers comments made at gymnastics took me right back to the moment.
Most mothers can empathize with other mothers. We have all experienced those moments when your child will not behave. It would have been easier to just stay home from church. But putting our children in social situations helps to teach them how to behave appropriately. It’s not that I didn’t try, I did. But she didn’t listen. I did reinforce to her that she misbehaved, there in church and then again later as we talked. As she gets older she will get it. I don’t think that mom will.
In the end, I decided to shake it off. I responded that “watching her was the appropriate thing to do in that moment”. It was a civil response. Because really, I wanted to say how I found it “interesting that she had an opinion on my parenting”.
